Dancing with My Daughter: Leaning Into Love

Dancing with My Daughter:

Leaning Into Love

With my severe neuropathy I can't walk alone any more. It's just not possible.

I need a walker, a rollator, a wheelchair or a scooter to get around "on my own." And it depends on the day and the pain level as to how far I can stand to travel with any form of assistance. My balance is variable as well.

My daughter's wedding day was on the horizon and more than anything I had hoped to be able to be near her as she walked down the aisle during the processional. I had prayed that I would be healed, that I wouldn't need any help as my wife and I gave our darling girl away. But that didn't happen.

And, selfish me, I also wanted wanted to have a chance for a Daddy/Daughter dance with her. Every father has this dream. Not only to be there for the special dance but also to have the strength to stand up -- take her hands -- and sway to a sweet sentimental song. No difficulties, no hassles, just fun. But it wasn't to be.

We'd chosen "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. A beautiful song with beautiful words.

"Is this the little girl I carried... is this the little boy at play?"

"I don't remember growing older. When -- did -- they?"

But it hurt so much to stand. My muscles had weakened through the last couple of years due to lack of use, lack of exercise, and stabbing nerve pain. But I didn't give up on the idea. I practiced with my wife and younger daughter to see how this dancing thing might work. I would hold onto her hands and she would help me stand, let me lean into her as we swayed. So long as I didn't try anything fancy maybe we could make this happen.

"When did she get to be a beauty?"

I held my sweet little girl, looked into her eyes, and thought how blessed I was to be a part of this dream-come-true moment. She twirled and her dress sparkled in the sunshine, a picture of light and beauty. I hugged her close and she helped me stand. Daughter helping Daddy. She allowed me to stand tall, even if only for a few moments.

How thankful I was to be able to enjoy this song, this dance together. How grateful I was to be able to lean into the love of my child, my family.

Even as things continue to change, remember it's OK to ask for help. As always, thanks for listening.

John

P.S. The death of a child can also add to the stress of neuropathy. Read my story here. For further thoughts visit Giving Mom a Break About her Meds, Let's Talk about Mobility, Let's Talk about Speed, Let's Talk about Changes, or Let's Talk about Giving Thanks. You can also read about Using a Handicap Placard, Walker Envy, Saying "Owww" when it hurts, Calluses and dealing with Pain, or the Humor of finding out your personal walker was a star on the TV show Monk! Here are a few thoughts on Exhaustion. If you have to grab a grab bar click here. Finally, if you ever find yourself dropping things like I do, please read this and its sequel about the difference between Tossing Something and Dropping It! And before you decide to share links to alleged "neuropathy cures" with me or my readers, please read this article first: Please Listen...

P.P.S. Thanks to Thomas AE for this awesome picture. Photo by https://unsplash.com/ThomasAE.

Comments

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